what's the frequency

Ties that Blind

2010-09-12T03:36:00.000-07:00

For the last 20 years or so a new breed of film makers have come to the fore, makers who are geeks and fans first and film makers 2^nd. We see their work all around us. Turn on the TV and watch Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Alias, 24, Law and Order, Monk, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Turn on the movies and watch Mission Impossible 3, Clerks, Dogma, The Dark Knight, Up, Cloverfield, Star Trek, Iron Man 1 and 2, the new Incredible Hulk directed by Louis Letterrier, Lord of the Rings, Serenity, Kick Ass, Ring, Grudge.

I call them a new breed because they've been thinking about films, be it TV or Movie, in a different way. They've dumped conventional thinking into the toilet and set out to tell a more honest, a more realistic and as a result a far more interesting story. I've watched Iron Man 2 this summer in the US. The hall was packed, I was there with my girl friend, her sister and her husband. Immediately beside us and behind us were people whose average age was 40+. We LOVED the movie. All of us. Everyone clapped when the movie ended. It was complete entertainment. We were all fulfilled. So imagine my surprise when I found a lot of average reviews of the movie on the net from reputed reviewers. Even from people who I revere and adore, namely Orson Scott Card, genius science fiction writer. They all enjoyed the movie, but compared it unfavorably to Iron Man 1. They found a hundred and one flaws. The story was too convoluted, there wasn't enough characterization, tying the movie to the greater marvel universe was a distraction for the common audience bla bla bla etc. So I came back to Dhaka slightly dazed and confused. And I waited for the DVD to arrive. I had to watch the movie again. Was I so biased about superheroes that I had got the wrong impression? Was I such a bubble head that the big screen and the pop corn and the coke and loud explosions blinded me to the rotten core of the movie?

So just before the Eid vacations, I got my hands on a copy of the Iron Man 2 DVD. And I sat to watch it with my good friend and Bhoutist Gibran. And you know what? I was blown away AGAIN. This time I watched the movie in total analytic and geek fashion. We stopped the movie several times to discuss a plot point or a sequence, we rewound to watch a particular delicious actions sequence again, etc etc. And at the end of the movie I asked what Gibran thought of it. He said, “dost this is BETTER than Iron Man 1”. And I was like, “exactly!” So then we got to discussing how in hell was this movie getting lukewarm reviews. And this is the conclusion we reached.

Its all to do with this new style of film making. Its all about understated drama. From our childhood we have been brainwashed into watching grand moments in film delivered in a grand fashion with the appropriate music and stylish camera treatment, sometimes in slow motion, and the melodramatic dialogue so that there's no way in the world you miss out on the fact that THIS IS A DRAMATIC MOMENT. Now however, we have this new breed who think that if your story is interesting enough, the moment will stand out on its own. So we get a lot of fast cuts, lots of hand held camera, and sometimes no music. The dialogs between people feel like real conversations instead of theatrical dialogs which belong on Broadway. But since we have been brainwashed into thinking “when Superman saves the girl falling from the building there will be dramatic camera work, a climactic music and cheesy dialog”, we get disturbed when we don't see these things. In Iron Man 1, the first action sequence with the proper Iron Man armor in that village has no slow motion camera work, no music, no dialogs from Iron Man. That is one of the BEST superhero action sequences I have even seen. In Iron Man 2, we have two wonderful antagonists played by Micky Rourke and Sam Rockwell. They put in steller performances. No cheesy dialogs, no “you can't stop me iron man, I will rule the world” shit. And for some of us, it was too shocking I guess. Where were the stuff of blockbuster Hollywood that we were so familiar with?

So the next question was, then how come I didn't have a problem with this new style of Hollywood movies? I think its because I never liked the old Superhero movies. I mean yes I enjoyed Superman and the Tim Burton Batman, but that was more on a “beggars can't be choosers” basis. And this new style of movie making, I think that’s how I’ve been playing movies in my head for a long time. This is what I wanted to see on screen for a long time. So when I finally saw these films and TV series, for me it was like coming home. And fortunately for me, even though Iron Man 2 got lukewarm reviews, it made a hell of a lot of money. So these film makers are not going away.

It's good to be alive.

mixed feelings

2010-09-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

What song to put in a mixed album -- something everyone will like? Or something the band wants to do right here right now? This dilemma of choice has been plaguing artists since the dawn of time. Roger Waters once said something interesting in an interview. He was talking about the early days of Pink Floyd and how people would come up to him and ask "why do you guys do such dark songs? can't you do some lighter, more fun stuff?" Waters then went on to say that what those people don't know is that the artist does not control the art. I'm talking about all good/great artists in their fields, from Van Gogh to Mozart to Rabindranath, Nazrul, to Hitchcock and Spielberg and JJ Abrams to Lep Zep, Deep Purple, Maiden, Metallica to Asimov to Satyajit Ray.

The Artist does not control the art. There's something inside the artist at that particular point in time which is a culmination and a reflection of his emotions, actions, surroundings etc. And anything the artist creates at that point will be the product of those things at that point in time. If the artist is lucky, his work will be well received.

Every time i sat down with my band Cryptic Fate for a mixed album song, the only thing we cared about was sounding different from the 12 other bands that will be in that album. "Different" is a loaded word in the world of creativity. Everyone wants to be "different", everyone is working on a "different" angle. And at the end of the day, it turns out (to your horror) you are "different" in exactly the same way 6 other bands are "different". Or you are "different" because you were creative with your tempo and tune sense. Be that as it may, being "different" became our magnum opus motivation for every mixed album song. And its worked out pretty well so far. Just recently two of our songs were released, one as a radio single (Tepantor) on Radio Foorti, and the other (Ondho) on a mixed double album called "rock 404\505". Why two songs at the same time? Well as i said, the artist does not control the art. We did the Cryptic Fate thing for the mixed album and hopefully delivered something "different" than the 29, yes TWENTY NINE other bands haha. And the Radio single? i had this poppish tune in my head that i had to get out and i don't like solo projects so i used all my cards to get my band to play the song and then Radio foorti graciously released it. So after 4 years of Silence, the Fate engine is roaring back to life. Stick around. It will be interesting.

Princess and the Frog

2009-12-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

On this auspicious day (yes, that's Victory Day), I just have one thing to say: Disney's ONLY African American protagonist is the new Princess in 'Princess and the Frog'. But what makes me happy is that she looks more deshi than African American. So Disney finally got it right? I think so. Unless you start questioning why she falls in love with a White Prince, like Conan just did.

Bijoy dibosh'r shubhechha shobai k!

Random thoughts

2009-12-01T19:05:00.001-08:00

1.The one hour premier of Scrubs was interesting. You won't believe it, but J.D. and Turk are now teaching! Wasn't paying a whole lot of attention, but if I did, I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it more.

2. Obama's speech on sending more troops to Afghanistan.
With unemployment rates hitting 10.8% everyone's worried, even though the word is that the economy's getting better. Not for everyone, I would say. While Obama's trying to set up programs to tackle the problems he inherited, the war in Afghanistan is overshadowing everything else. At least for now. There's a 50-50 consensus on whether or not more troops should be sent to Afghanistan, but my hunch is, people just want to pull out. No one expected it to take so long. And now people are tired. I am. And I'm not even American.

3. It's interesting how Democrats are the ones who take the heat for increased government spending on social welfare programs when it was Nixon, the paradoxical president, who increased spending on programs like EITC, which, by far, is the most expensive (but effective) anti-poverty program. Also interesting, how he campaigned on law and order and then resigned for his connection with the Watergate scandal.

4. Relationships are funny. All types. What's funnier is that people in the relationship often have very different takes on what goes on in it. That's probably more sad than funny.

5. Everyone's getting swine flu I think. They just don't know it. That's the only thing that's going around. So if you're sick with symptoms like fever, headache, sore throat and the like, you probably have the flu. Fight it with Vitamin C. Don't let it reach the stage where you get a bacterial infection. That can be deadly.

6. Life's short. Live it.

7. I have work to do and I'm procastinating. Why? Beats me. God knows this only hurts me. No one else. Yet, I can't bring myself to get some work done.

Stranger in the mirror

2009-11-20T16:59:00.000-08:00

A strand of light landed on my face, forcing me to turn away from it. I'm sensitive to light; it makes me cry. I don't know why that happens. I can't even remember when this started.
But it was too late. Tears rolled down my eyes. Once they roll, I can't stop it anymore. Gulping, I looked around me, the tears forming little droplets on my jacket. A therapist once told me that I am troubled, deep down. Told me that I am essentially very very sad. In a word, depressed. Gave me a couple of tablets to deal with it. I tried it for a while.

Meds for depression was seen as a novel idea when they first entered the social fabric of this nation, this world even. People with mental illness were not destined to end up in Pabna if they were in Bangladesh, or the suburban institutions that housed the physically and mentally ill in the U.S. They were, all of a sudden, allowed to be part of the community, part of real life. I was no different. I was allowed to merge with the crowds, lead a life like everyone else. I wasn't forced to be surrounded by calming white walls. The urban jungle was not seen as an aggravating agent.

Yet, peace eluded me. For a long, long time. And now I am a stranger, even to myself.

(c) Error in Design

:P

2009-11-15T20:53:00.000-08:00

"The latest consumer item to be downsized this recession is breasts." Read more here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-richmond/breasts-shrink-with-econo_b_263721.html

Endowed women are smarter? Says some Chicago scientists:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/11/12/nation/5092076&sec=nation

nerdy = sexy?

2009-11-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

Huff post analysis:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-richmond/are-nerdy-girls-sexy-now_b_108056.html

My 2 cents:

Why does everything have to be about feminism and the rights of women. Why do women have to act according to societal norms as portrayed by the media. Not all geeks are ugly - never were. And make up does not necessarily make someone pretty (even though it often can help, a lot). The article talks about the modern day geeks looking like cheerleaders, as if that's a good thing. I wonder when people will just start being them. When WOMEN will start living their lives. Or maybe they do. It's just that they're not written about. We, as a society, like putting people in boxes. We like labels. We pathologize. Ki j hobe.

Checkers

2009-11-11T19:30:00.001-08:00

Linking marriage and terrorism - interesting analysis here:
http://www.pickledpolitics.com/archives/6493

And what's up with African American stars? Can they NOT keep negative attention away? OJ, Chris Brown and now Mike Tyson. What's up with that?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/11/mike-tysons-lax-paparazzi_n_354788.html

Speaking of AA, have anyone seen Michael Jackson's movie? I haven't. Want to. Soon. Someone get me a bootleg? :P Just kidding. I'm anti piracy. Well, not really. I don't care.

Fox and Other Animals

2009-11-11T19:07:00.001-08:00

'It seems like Obama wants to be his own man when it comes to things in Afghanistan...' says the Fox newscaster. It appears, Obama wants to send more troops to Afghanistan.

I like Obama. But I can't agree that sending off more people to Afghanistan is the answer. I don't support "Support the Troops" stuff, but that's not because I'm anti-Army; I am anti government policies that interefere with the polictics and affairs of other countries. I didn't support US intervention in Rwanda or Sarajevo, and I don't support US intervension in Iraq. Afghanistan made sense, but not like this, not at this cost. And not only because the Afghans continue to suffer, but because everyone does. The US, the Afghans, and everyone involved.

My heart especially goes out to those kids who were dropped off in Afghanistan or Iraq, in the middle off no where at age 19. The kids who form the Army of the United States.

Where did the sudden empathy come from? Perhaps my plane ride to Texas.

I was sitting next to a 23 year old from the Air Force, who just returned from Afghanistan. He said, "I just want to come home, I've had enough", when I asked what he thinks about sending more troops there. He talked about his partner who lost a limb to Soviet landmines still planted across Afghanistan; he talked about an Afghan dwarf who sells trinkets right next to their base; he told me about the 13 year old boy who was married to multiple women in a village in Afghanistan. He showed me pictures of the dwarf, the boy, and himself in uniform. He showed me pictures of Afghanistan that he had taken from a copter. And my heart went out to him. At age 23, he has seen much more than he should have. He said, 'I feel bad when people support the bombing of army personnel in Afghanistan or Iraq. That means they want me to die'. I tried explaining that it was government policy that people were against, it was not them. I tried to explain to him how it was unfair that the people who were sending them off to war were not sending their own children off. I tried to get him to think about himself, not the country. And his maturity amazed me. I was getting upset by the injustice of it all, but he was calm. He smiled, and he said I didn't look as old as I was.

It was a long flight, but it flew by quickly. And at the end of it all, I was humbled, and sad. That 23 year old is just a few years older than my own brother, and I can't imagine sending him off to war. And yet there he was, forced to take on responsibility for himself and his country.

crisis pains and rants

2009-08-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

The crisis on infinite earths in 1985 was great because of its pioneer values. "Worlds will live, worlds will die, and the universe will never be the same". Hell of a line. Then came the entire Infinite crisis mega event in 2006 and that wasn't too bad. it was very good infact, especially the way the story was built up in all the DC titles over the preceding year, which got an explosive start with 'identity crisis", my all time favorite "event". Then came Final crisis, written by Grant Morrisson. Well Grant, you did exactly what i was afraid you would do. Take a huge universe affectiong story and fuck it up with bad story telling. I have not yet finished reading the 7 issue series, will start reading the last part infact, but the only issue i have liked so far is DC Universe Zero, which Grant co-wrote with Geoff Johns (my hero!!). Grant always has trouble with large scale stories. I noticed it in his JLA days, but there he had only around 7 characters to deal with and so succeeded in telling some good stories. But with crisis, his weaknesses shine out like the light from the green lantern power battery. Characters come and go without explanation, events happen which don't make sense, the story shifts from one focus to another without any link -- its all rubbish. Its very sad really, because Grant is a great writer. He should have just worked on the basic story and let Johns handle the breakdown and actually dialogues. For example, Johns wrote the accompanying story for Final Crisis -- Legion of 3 worlds. It has hundreds of characters, multiple planets and timelines and yet IT ALL MAKES SENSE. I am LOVING this storyline. All the incarnations of the legion come together to kick superman-prime'r butt and alnog the way we are treated to amazing moments and revelations, just like the Sinestro Corps War.

Geoff Johns, you da man. Grant Morrison, go back to writing single character books.

Conan and I, and other stories

2009-08-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Conan O'Brien is growing on me. And I think he's definitely going to end up apologizing to former Pres Clinton for his comments about how in the year 3000 he will go to a N.Korean massage parlor to discuss his release after negotiating the release of two female journalists :P And I also think his take on the Clunkers for Cash program is hilarious. Even better is HIS version of the program! The guy wants to find the worst car in America and give the owner a Lexus hybrid! He may not be a genius, but he tries, and in my books, that's good enough. Plus, genius is overrated. And in our country, it's over-overrated. Seriously, how many times did you hear that the 'first boy/girl' in your class was a genius? Probably all through your school life. But is s/he REALLY a genius? Afraid not. They turned out to be just like everyone else, methinks (if not worse). Not their fault. Bangladeshi school systems are proponents of 'mukhosto biddai shokol bidda', and anyone who manages to memorize pages and pages of textbook print end up being 'brilliant students'. Someone pointed out to me how this promotes plagiarism and wards off original thought and creativity. All I can say is, I completely agree.

I also wonder why are the Jonas Brothers so popular. Is it because people generally like to have idols to look up to? Or are they genuinely good musicians? They're on Conan and they seem like nice kids, but given how much clout they have, I wonder if they realize how they can shape the mindset of the young ones that idolize them. But then, they're probably too young to take responsibily for anything. Or too dumb.

Good day for Hispanics, today. I'm indifferent, but I see that many people are elated. Interesting is how both Obama and Sonia (yes, I'm on first name basis with them) have similar backgrounds, and how they worked hard to get on top. Hard work really pays off, appears to be the message that they're sending out (whoever they are). But I think people also need luck. Hard work and a little bit of luck = the magic formula for success. So, good luck to everyone who's reading this, and myself :)

Till later, be good.

9 simple things that women want (from yahoo!)

2009-07-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs, many a man has questioned, "What exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men.

But women aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 9 simple things women want. Note: you won't find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise.

1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don't have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.

2. Romance. It's another night on the couch with takeout and TiVo? Just because we're staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating -- all of the things that made us fall in love with you don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.

3. Time. We understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.

4. Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about us and our hectic day.

5. Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren't, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we're hot. Tell us we're beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell us you love the lasagna we made. Notice that we cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let us know that you see the effort we put in, and you're grateful.

6. Consistency. This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually -- no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.

7. Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning" kind. You don't have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We're not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of your best friend's husband or the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about us that's so endearing.

8. Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.

9. Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals -- in other words, don't support lazy or bad habits -- are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.

[Believe me, I know what I'm risking by putting this here. Go ahead, ridicule me, but don't tell me it didn't help you out, even if it's just a teeeeny weeeeny bit. Ok, now that sounds girly. Let me just stop :)]

Ajaira pechal

2009-07-31T18:40:00.000-07:00

I can safely say that my favorite topic of conversation is: relationships, and by that I don't mean just romantic relationships. I often wonder what about them intrigues me, and I may have an answer - it is the different ways in which relationships are manifested; the fact that no two relationships are the same is what makes them special and interesting.

My friend from college, let's call her Mimi, started dating very early. In her mid teens, almost. A decade later she married her teen love. Now they have two kids. But the most interesting thing about their relationship was how they interacted in the presence of their significant other, and the absence of the significant other. When alone, she was confident, she took charge of things, she knew exactly what she wanted... but when he was with her, a transformation took place. She allowed him to be in charge, she almost took shelter in his arms, while he made the decisions. If she wanted something, she would tell him and he would take care of it. It was like her own little fairy tale, in which she was the princess, and he was her charming prince.

This slice of cake can be dissected in many ways. One way is very likely to be: the role of society and societal norms that people adhere to, and the role of patriarchy and tradition. Relatedly, the role of the media and fairy tales in determining how men and women in society should function together, which again shapes individual behavior is another way to look at it. Yet, another way to dissect it is by trying to understand behavior patterns among men and women, and their expectations from each other in different kinds of settings. In a romantic relationship, for example, the expectations are far different than it would be in a friendship. However, does gender change the dynamics of that friendship? People are often heard saying that men and women cannot 'just be friends'. While most women disagree, I find that men tend to agree with this. My take is on that is: men find it difficult to 'just be friends', while women are more at ease with it. In my experience, it's usually men who ruin male - female friendships by 'falling in love with the 'friend'.

I was talking to a friend of mine today about marriage. He claims that every 1 in 3 couples he knows are unhappy, and hence he thinks marriage is a bad idea. That led to a conversation about what women want from men, and vice versa. We managed to figure out that for men, sex was the 'polao', and additional emotional connection and love was the 'beresta' on top. For women, the sex was the 'beresta', and the emotional connection, the togetherness, being in love and so on, was the 'polao'. The question, ultimately was, ff such is the case, how do marriages survive? Most don't, we concluded. And the couples that survive love polao just as much as they love the beresta. Or they lie about it.

Alright, enough bakwas. Time to get to work.

shut it

2009-07-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Just recently i found out one more difference between the great cricket players and the good ones. The great ones don't talk nonsense. Ever. Case in point, Brett Lee, Hoggard and Flintoff. These three are some of the best players in the world today, although I'm not sure if Hoggard's still active or not. They've all done good work for their country, have stepped up to the plate and taken responsibility when it was required, especially Lee and Flintoff. But none of these are "great" players, and Hoggard will never be. And these three also happen to be 3 of my most favorite players. But all 3 have said things about their captains, Hoggard most recently, that's pissed me off. Michael Vaughn retired from cricket recently and obviously all the current players gushed about him as he was one of their most successful captains. Part of the gushing by Hoggard was that he compared Vaughn's captaincy with that of Nasser Hussain and maintained he preferred playing under Vaughn because he was such a nice guy on the field. Well fuck you Hoggard. We all remember what pathetic whiners English cricketers were in the nineties. And what pathetic losers they were, blaming everything else for their miserable performance except their lack of ability.

I always liked Hussain and when he took over the captaincy he knew he had to whip this sorry team into a fighting unit, and you can't do that by being a "nice guy" and holding hands and spouting soothing words and being sensitive to one's feelings. For the first time EVER, Hussain's England looked like they meant business. He picked youngsters like Hoggard and Flintoff and egged them on to the job along with his veteran bowlers Gough and Caddick. So he was a bit harsh on the field when you bowled rubbish, was he? Maybe that's why you learned the discipline required to win the ashes. Maybe that's why you guys suddenly went from complete losers to one of the most exciting Test teams to follow, you lousy uneducated trout!

Then there's the other 2 mighty intellects, Lee and Flintoff. Both said similar things when comparing their former captains to their current ones. They preferred playing under the current captain because under the current captain they had "more responsibility and a clear idea of what was required of them". Well whoop de do! Have you two stopped to consider that under your previous captains (Steve Waugh and Nasser Hussain) you guys were fresh lilies with little idea of how to take a wicket? To hear Flintoff and Lee talk, you'd think they appeared on the international scene as the accomplished players they are today. Whereas we who have viewed the game from a more objective point remember that Lee could just bowl fast and Flintoff could just bowl short of a length at medium pace. And it was through being under great captains like Waugh and Hussain that they blossomed. So that by the time they came under Ponting and Vaughn they ahd honed their craft to the point that the captain could give them proper responsibility and tell them exactly what was expected of them.

Bloody idiots. You never hear McGrath talking about oh how wonderful it was under Taylor, do you? Or Warne?

Fucking retards. Just shut it!

Little Feet Muffet

2009-05-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Is as sick as a bird. But no, it's not bird flu, thank God. Or any other kind of animal flu.

Travels have been planned. Life has been put on hold. The weather's been accommodating. What else could I want? Better grades. But we can't have it all.

Travelling Back. And Forth.

2009-05-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Travel back to earlier decades by browsing through old newspapers and journal articles. Nothing more fascinating than figuring out the trajectory of things on your own. Sometimes you may wonder if this is the time you should've been born in, but I think mostly you'll realize how long we've come, and more importantly, how long the rest of the way is.

But while you're at it, don't forget to live the life you have now. We're here because we're meant to be here. And even if we were not meant to be here, the fact that we ARE here must count for -something-. I hope.

Edit: I know this sounds very blah, and perhaps even cliched but bear with me. Just a while longer.

time is a machine

2009-04-26T00:28:00.000-07:00

My keyboard is messed up. It sounds like a typewriter when I type. All because of the ajaira lok who spilled MY drink on MY laptop. Talk about double jeopardy. Okay, maybe not the best application of the word, but cut me some slack, folks. I have competition. SB is on a roll, churning out random write ups like its free. Which it is, actually. But who get the gist.

I've been meaning to comment on a news report I read on bullying, analyse a certain Obama policy that I'm in favor of and mildy throw some chicken feed on swine flu, preferably separately, but since these will soon (in about an hour) become old news, I am having to briefly round up my thoughts.

Obama's policy: of releasing the 'torture' documents from the past administration's treatment of its alleged terrorists
Critism so far: the degradation of the Muslims and others will spur Anti American sentiment (as if it can get any worse than it did during Bush's regime)
I completely disagree with the critisim. I think, on the contrary, it sends a message to the world about Obama's transparency, and resolve to do what is right. He really is speaking to people like you (yes, you) and me here. We want to know the truth. It will make us angry, yes, but Obama is giving us the opportunity to be angry. Without this revelation, we would have been blissfully unaware. Us being angry is what some people are worried about, and perhaps some of that worry is justified, some of our Muslim brothers have not shown a great deal of level headedness in the past. But Obama has. He's a good thinker, he knows what's right, he can identify a touch situation and then, most importantly, he can remain cool headed at the same time. He really IS the savior of this nation of United States. And by allowing us to see what went wrong, he is really opening up the door to open, transparent communication.

At the same time, there is (as there should be) a political motive. He had to take heat for abolishing torture of war criminals and alleged criminals in custody. By revealing these documents, the nation gets to see what exactly he is abolishing. And the people have that right. A right that the former administration had taken away from the people, in the name of 'national security'. You have to realize, criticizing the former President was deemed 'unpatriotic' as Paul Krugman points out, and people just could do nothing about it. Bush had the 8 years he wanted to turn the budget surplus into a huge deficit and to completely destroy the financial sector on the domestic front and wage two horrendously failed wars internationally.

But, I digress.

My entire point may seem like: Yay for Obama and Down with Bush! But it really isn't. It's about human rights. And how it was taken away. Now that we have a chance of getting it back, the neocons are going crazy.

On to my other area of interest: bullying.

Kids often do things that they don't realize. Sometimes, they do. My friend was talking abour her daughter who already had a preference for friends who were White and who had blond hair like mommy, who gets frustrated with her friend who is autistic and ends up hitting her to get her to talk, which she never does. My friend told me because she as worried. She didn't want her daughter to be a bully, to pick on the minority. Because when she starts school, there will be people who are different from her, and her mother, and that differnce will be the basis of bullying.

The story I posted on fb earlier, about the 11 year old boy who commited suicide when he couldn't take the bullying in school anymore, I thought of my school, my friends. There weren't overt bullies that I can remember, but there were kids who were dominating, who would create problems for people who didn't conform to their 'style' by alienating them, shunning them, not inviting them to their birthday parties. All these little things to make people feel bad, they start from an early age, that mean streak, very obvious, untainted by social norms that dictate manners. Now, a dozen or so years later, I think about where they are. And I frankly don't know. They haven't become the starlets that they promised to be, they haven't gone on to become leaders of the new generation, they haven't really done much. They just had bullying tendencies when they were in school. That's the highlight of their lives. If you ask them, maybe it was the best time of their lives. Which brings me to: why do they do it? Various theories identify bullying among children: unrest at home, insecurities, mimicking what they see elsewhere and so on. But the more important question is: how do you stop it? As someone said, for children their problems are as big as ours, and when grown ups marginalize them, they feel just as bad as we do when our problems are marginalized. And this 11 year old boy's story exemplifies that. Only that his mother did try. But she really couldn't help him. The school failed him. The system failed him. May he rest in piece.

Swine flu: go away. Come again another day. Little Johnny wants to play. Joking. Don't come back. Just go! Sounds like it's the same thing as the bird flu. Killed dozens of people in New Mexico. Maybe 7 people in NYC has it (test results are due tomorrow) but it hasn't killed anyone in NYC yet. Suspecting it in Texas as well. Details are unclear (to me, atleast). Maybe it's a pandemic. But whatever it is, I'm glad I don't eat chicken. My suggestion: cook your chicken really well. Or just don't eat it. Don't die for chicken. And there's a med for it, in case you get it. So if you get it, don't panic. Help is out there.

a few good men (& women)

2009-04-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

And the arguments rage on. Are we born evil? Or do we become evil? Is whoever i am supposed to be when i grow up written in my genes? Or is it something i learn from my parents and my school and the place i grow up in? I don't know. I do believe in leaders being born and not made though. That tendency to assume control, to make others feel safe in the knowledge that you will take care of everything, that you know whats best -- i think this is something you're born with.

I have had a great childhood and my parents are the best parents in the world. They never forced me to learn anything but rather encouraged me to be a certain way and follow certain pursuits. But i only followed those pursuits that caught my fancy. As a result i never enrolled in music school, i never did serious sports, and i was never good at my studies. I did however enjoy computer games, books and comics, movies and acting. And these pursuits i followed. I also enjoyed free-style singing (much to the anguish of those near me) and as a result i have my own band. And from a very early age, i was never the leader type. I was content to let other people lead and the most i would do is give advice when necessary. And it worked out pretty great. Because i disliked the extra pressure and attention that inevitably comes with assuming leadership in any endeavor.

But i always had strong opinions, and always liked to go deep into whatever i was supposed to be doing. i never liked just leaving it to someone to do something. And that happened because i felt that i knew better, or that i knew at least as much the other person. Or maybe i had better judgement ability. Ego? Surely. Warranted? Maybe. So as the years went by i went on to become a creative director, essentially in charge of leading a team of creative people to formulate communication materials for our clients (in other words, ad campaigns). And i also slowly became the leader of the band. This is not a discourse about my achievements however. My point is that as a child and in school, i exhibited no leadership qualities whatsoever. But when i grew up and life was thrust upon me, i became a leader. Not a very good one, but a leader none the less. So i continue to believe that leaders are born. Not made.

So what about good? Are we born with goodness? And then become evil? Or are we born either good or evil and then live our lives accordingly? I have been blessed in life by having a wonderful family, being in a wonderful school and making wonderful friends. From a very early age i was aware my father was a freedom fighter and i knew fighting for freedom was right and good, andthat's something that always inspired me. Plus i grew up in an environment of love both at home and in school so that must have affected my growing up. And for whatever reason from a very early age, i became a fan of heroes. From comics to books, i devoured all the heroic stories out there. From Superman to Tarzan to Sherlock Holmes to Lord of the Rings to Prophet Mohammad, i couldn't get enough of heroic fables. And it left a deep imprint. Plus i had a my father who has great ethical and moral fortitude. He never preached to me but just being around him and seeing him lead his life ingrained in me those values of right and wrong that are so important in life.

In the last 10 years or so, i have experienced a lot of things and have met a lot of people. And most of them are good people. I think i automatically gravitate towards people who are essentially good at heart, people you can depend on, people who will be there for you. And i have also met people who are not really very close friends of mine, but who have repeatedly gone out of their way to be helpful. And on those occasions i have often wondered, why is this person doing this? Why is he wasting his time at this unearthly hour to help me? What's in it for him? Or her for that matter. And one time i asked a friend of mine this particular question. This friend i am talking about is not a close friend. He's one of my "friend in need" as in i get in touch when i need him. And he always helps out. So one day when he was helping me out i asked him, "why do you do this?" and at first he didn't understand the question. So i explained to him, "why do you help people so much? whats in it for you?" And he still didn't understand the question. When i finally managed to clear up what i wanted to know, he smiled and said, "i like making people happy. I love the look on their faces when i can fix something for them". And i still persisted. i said that cannot be the only reason. After a lot of badgering he finally replied that when he was younger he needed help from someone and that someone let him down. And he was so upset at being let down that he decided that he would never make someone else feel this upset. Not if he could help it.

I laughed at hearing this. In his time of need someone let him down, and that provoked a resolve that he would never let someone down! Its like a bloody comic book origin of a superhero! I mean, the normal response at an event like this would be bitterness and an attitude of indifference at helping others. But no, in my friend's case, it was the opposite. And that's when i understood. Or maybe that's when i caught a glimmer of the beginning of understanding why good people do good deeds. Its because they don't know any better.

Being good is like being in love. You see a nice girl and you are attracted and then you you fall in love. Perfectly straightforward. And then when someone asks you why or how you fell in love you say 50 things like, oh she's so beautiful, she's so funny and warm, she gets along so well with my friends, she lets me be myself etc etc etc. But really, think about it. Its all rationalization after the fact. You fall in love first, and then you invent all these reasons to make your falling in lovewith that person sound all logical and reasonable. I mean, you can't think i just fell in love for no reason, did you? No! I am an intelligent and reasonable person and these are the reasons why i love this girl. Hah! Right. That sounds as perfectly logical as the explanation my good friend offered about him being let down when he needed help and then deciding that he would never let anyone else down. I don't believe my friend would have been a different person even if that other person didn't let him down. I think then the story would have been, "i needed help and this friend of mine helped me out and thus i decided that i would help other people from this day henceforth". Its rationalization after the fact.

So yeah, at this moment in time, i believe good people are born and not made. Somewhere down the line, life happens and a lot of extraneous things get attached to the good personality that a good person is born with. He may enter government service and take bribes. He may cheat in his school exams. He may have a sharp tongue and be insensitive. But i believe that all these things can't hide the core goodness that a good person possesses. In times of need, that core shines out like a beacon. He sacrifices his own time, happiness, and peace of mind to help. And these people are out there. In droves. I know because i have met them. People busy running the rat race and people you would never think would help you at their own expense. But they do. And when they do, they do it simply because that's who they are. They don't calculate the odds. They don't think how its beneficial to them in the long run. They just help because they can't think otherwise. Its like you have to drink water when you're thirsty. So do good people have to help when someone asks them to.

So this one is for all the people out there who have ever helped out a friend or a stranger. You are the best of us. And to the rest of us, may we also have the strength of character to say "yes,I'll help" when the time comes.

the greatest story ever shown

2009-04-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but i'm a huge fan of the classics. I'm not talking about those pansy penguin classics from the 18th and 19th century. I'm talking about the real stuff. Legends. Myths. Stories that have survived and thrived across generations through hundreds of years. I'm talking Illiyad, Odyssy, Ramayana, Mahabharata, Arabian Nights. All those stories of Gods and Mortals and events big and small that touch us all. And its really easy to see why these stories have survived the ravages of time. And not only survived, but have grown in stature. Have inspired us. Its because at the heart these stories deal with the hopes, dreams, aspirations of all of us, no matter what race or religion or nationality. If you are human, you will connect to these fables.

And it is with the full meaning of the term classic as i have just defined, i call the Battlestar Galactica mini series a Classic. Thats right. A science fiction TV series that dared to do it all. Dared to take us out to space in a distant galaxy. Dared to make fictional characters as real as you and me. Dared to take us to the edge of sanity, and then bring us right back. Because the makers of this monumental series knew that to make a great story, you have to follow the rules. Great Heroism. Dastardly Villiany. And a story thats bigger than all of that, and yet with all the little touches that make us go, "oh i know how that feels!". Hats off to all the makers, all the people involved. You did an amazing job.

The story is simple really. And thats how all great stories are at the end of the day -- simple. Its about a war between sentient robots and their creators the humans. But these humans live far, far away from our galaxy in a colony of 12 planets which are named after the horroscopes. The robots rebel and wage war on their human creators, decimating the entire human race in the process, save a handfull of survivors. Around 47,000 people i think when the mini series starts. These survivors gather around the last remaining warship called Battlestar Galactica and try to escape the robots and find a new home.

The story throughout is electrifying and totally counter-intuitive. Whenever you think you've got something figured out, they throw a twist at your face which punches you across the room. Not gentle shakespearean twists these. Very very vicious, and very very emotional. You will laugh, you will cry, you will weep with joy with the characters of this epic series. For it is truly an epic.

I honestly don't have the words to describe what the makers of this series and the actors have pulled off. I wish i could give some examples but anything i say will take that little bit away from you enjoying the series when you watch it. Because everything little thing is important. So all i'll say is that i am lucky to have been alive when this series first aired. It has truly inspired me and i wish all the people involved with this miracle the best of luck in all their future engagements.

To everyone else, watch Battlestar Galactica. Its simply totally awesome.

lights, camera, monpura

2009-04-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

My friend got me a ticket to Monpura, the movie by Gias uddin Selim. There was a special showing of the movie in Gulshan Club (ooh how hoity toity eh?) and my friend is a member so she got all of us tickets. I had never been to Gulshan Club to see a movie before and i was expecting a glorified hall room with a projector screen and uncomfortable chairs. So you can understand my surprise when i walked into a two tiered genuine movie theater! Its amazing! Real theater, comfortable seats, and they even had a snack shop!! It was perfect! and then the movie started.

Let me just back track a bit and tell you of my previous experiences with recent Bangladeshi films. I have watched Joyjatra, Ontorjatra and Made in Bangladesh and they were all woefully pathetic. Especially the "jatra" movies. Its ironic that they have the word "jatra" in the title because jatra means journey and both movies went nowhere. Made in Bangladesh did provide moments of entertainment and the actors did a terrific job. Plus the subject matter of the movie was also very modern and timely. But as a movie it didn't work. Movies like, all art mediums, have their own language. And the directors of Bangladesh just don't get that language. So i wasn't expecting much when i went to watch Monpura. Even though Gias Uddin Selim is one of the best storytellers in the drama circle in Bangladesh. Being a good Drama writer/director and making a good movie are 2 different things.

So the movie started. And i was impressed. the movie continued. i kept liking it. The movie ended and i felt finally i had seen a real movie made by a Bangladeshi film maker. I'm not going to criticise this movie because its a first effort from the director and there are some obvious problems, like the pacing and the story itself. I want to focus on the positives. And the biggest positive was that he story telling came through. Selim is a gifted storyteller and he made a very decent film in the context of Bangladesh and everything that goes with releasing a decent commercial film in this market. The characters were believable, the dialogues were crisp and meaningful, the sequences progressed the story, it was good stuff. There was a clear hero, a clear villain, a clear goal. This is a little trick that all the other film makers here forget. People need a clear hero and a villain. And they need larger than life moments, be it romantic, tragic, or comic. And Selim got that. And the result was a very entertaining film that really touched something in me. And that's saying a lot if you happen to know me and my high falutin' opinionated self.

Another thing I liked was the portrayal of the villain as a real person, and not some cackling hollywood/FDC goon. Villains have excellent motivations and reasons for doing what they do. They know they're doing something wrong, but they also know that they need to do it. They don't do evil for the sake of being evil. They do things because they believe its their right. Just as you or i would believe whatever we do is right. I really appreciated the three dimensional treatment of the villain in this movie.

In short, i was inspired. And i felt proud of Gias uddin Selim. Good job, sir!

Everyone, please go watch this movie. Its worth your time.

Orange clothes and Leno humor

2009-04-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

Jay Leno is rarely funny, but this one was good.

July 1, 1996 - Hotmail was opened.
The next day: The inbox was full of emails from African princes who wanted to share their money with you, and penis enlargement gimmicks.

Some people may not find it funny, I am aware of that. But I'm not a big fan of 'katu kutu diye hashano'. Same reason I could never really find kalo comedians too funny. They have no relevance in real life. At least, mine. Leno, on the other hand, and most other late night show hosts talk about the real deal, stuff that's going on in the real world. It's what we would call contextual comedy if you want to call it comedy. And THAT is why it's funny. Give me all kinds of humor other than the slapstick underarm tickling kind.

It wasn't, however, my intention to talk about my pet peeve(s).

I wanted to talk about the monk with whom I had a very controvertial conversation about how we should continue to maintain the food chain by consuming meat, while he argued about how the meat processing industry costs the environment by releasing green house gases. But that's only in the Western world where they don't slaughter their cows in their own backyards, I reminded him. He also said he thinks if people did raise the cattle they ate, they wouldn't really be able to kill them because of the connection they'd be making with them. I told him that I watched chicken being slaughtered as a child and it never affected me. But what did get to me was this - chicken (and beef) apparently sits in our stomachs for days before being completley digested. That's what my mother had told me. That it's released from the body once it rots. I found it disgusting. I now only eat tuna burgers and tuna sandwiches. So in principle I had no point, but in reality I did.

This argument was of course after the monk cooked for us and showed us how to make a vegetarian dish - which was actually really good. I had two plates of it :S And I didn't mind that he was a good looking monk, even though he wore the orange garb and the strings and beads around his neck. Does that make me a nimok haram? I wonder. Gay, maybe, but not nimok haram, right?

the bad, the fat, the ugly

2009-04-15T15:27:00.001-07:00

Considering that anyone can term me as any of the above, it may confuse people as to why I'm writing about any of that. Some people may squirm because inwardly they agree with me, but to my face they will say nothing. To them, I shall say nothing as well. Because, simply, I don't know who they are.

Fortunately for me, no one knows who I am either. Okay, slight exaggeration, that. Maybe about 5 people know who I am. And that makes me happy. Welcome to my life. But sorry, there's no open window through which you can look in. No peeping holes either. I could pull a George (or Kramer) and take out the peep hole and then replace it backwards, but that serves no purpose in my life, and we all know that I'm a selfish, self centered bugger.

And for those of you who are wondering where all this angst is coming from. It's been there all along. You just didn't see it.

Which brings me to: Did you see how lucky the Afghan men are? They are entitled to sex every three days!! Unless they're traveling, in which case they are entitled to have sex with random people they meet and find irresistible. But ONLY if they find them irresistible. Imagine that in Bangladesh. Or just Dhaka. We'd have one big happy family. The US picked Karzai turned out to be quite a charmer, eh? I personally think his motivations are strictly personal. He's not really looking into releasing the frustrations of Afghan men. He's interested in his own. And given how hot these Afghani women are, can you really blame him? He probably finds the entire female population of Afghanistan 'irresistible'. Including the American soldiers. Who, by now, really are de facto Afghans. Like it or not. Someone should inform them, methinks.

My diet. Is going very well. I am still twixing my way through papers and I discovered the best smoked salmon sandwich (EVER, would say my fat friend) in this city. It's mass produced but man made. Not the salmon. The sandwich. I wish I knew why I was hungry all the time. And I do mean all the time. It's bloody depressing. I just walked for an hour an a half to keep myself away from food. But when CA called me to hang before she ran off to her meeting, I said, wtf let me just get a bite. Just for company's sake. She can't be eating on her own, can she? (Not that I asked her).

I bought a weighing machine. But I was 15 mins late to pick it up, so it'll have to weight till tomorrow. Er wait. My weight is what I don't really want to know but my mother tells me that's the best way to lose weight. By measuring it every single day.

Moral of today's post (just in case you didn't quite catch it): Even FAT UGLY BAD AFGHAN MEN ARE ENTITLED TO SEX and in the US they have abstinence only programs that encourage people to NOT have SEX (which is another post for another day, made more interesting by the fact that my co blogger and I are at complete odds. Why give condoms to 14 year olds? he says. THey're too young to be even having sex. I agree. BUT. They ARE having sex. So we need to deal with it. Telling them to not have sex is not going to change it. Overauling the value system is a good idea, one that Bush tried, for example. But as I said, another post for another day). And the FUNNIEST TAKE on THAT issue is: we have the conservative afghans fighting for their right to NOT have sex while the Americans fight for their right to HAVE sex.
Amader ei tao dekhte holo! So much for it being a personal, private issue. So much for the government deciding what you do on your bed. In your bedroom (preferably).

Warning: Sappy Post

2009-03-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

What's the difference between being content and being happy?

Can someone be happy without being in a relationship (the intimate kind)?

People-dependent happiness is risky, so for those of you (or us) who like to be risk averse, is it best to not rely on people at all?

Would that mean that I don't care?

Should we move on with life when life gets better, and wait out the bad times? Or do we do what we need to do, or what we think we need to do while we're waiting?

A friend said to me y'day: Life is a bitch. And then it's over. To me, that sounds a bit too negative. I am still hoping that my life would be perfect one day. I'm not sitting around waiting for it, and my life isn't completely in the gutter. Actually, there are some good things going on. So the question is, should I just settle and be happy with this? Provided that I -am- happy with this, does this mean I will not reach higher levels of happiness? What is happiness, anyway?

Okay I told you this would be sappy, or what I consider sappy. And they're mostly rhetorical questions to which I already know the answers (other than the q about happiness, anyone who knows what happiness is, let me know). Which reminds me, I read a definition of rhetorics the other day which is different from what we know to be rhetorical, and with that I shall end this post: persuasive discourse within and between interpretive communities.

Haha, I know, and I'm sorry.

3 holes and 1 love (or maybe 2)

2009-03-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

My new love is for: binders. I live by them. Okay, not completely, but close enough. Without binders I would have been in complete disarray. But what I'm still missing is a 3-hole-puncher. They have this gorgeous one at the labs. All you have to do is plug the machine in to the wall (yes, it's electronic!), stick your pile of papers into a slit and hit a button. That is all. How I wish someone would gift me one of those things. Well, actually I can just buy one of those. I'm sure it's cheap on Amazon or something.

I also realized something quite profound. And that is I'm afraid of water bodies. I never used to be. Funnier still is that I realized this when looking at the world on google maps. YES, I know it's dumb, thank you very much. But I had to quickly close it, when the oceans came into view. At first, I didn't like the look of the Hudson River as I tried to follow its path to see where it leads to. And then when I zoomed out, the entire world came into view. It was when I moved continents, that I had to quickly close out. All that blue was suffocating me. Too bad blue's my favorite color. I guess not so much anymore. But I still like blue shirts. Generic taste, I have. But I look good in blue. Or so I like to believe. Reds too. But everyone looks good in red. My best friend in college used to claim I looked good in purple. Purple! I don't know anyone who actually looks good in purple. And if they do look good in purple, it has nothing to do with purple. Red, I think, changes you. So does brown, but in a bad way. I own a brown clingy tshirt which I like, but I look browner in it. It's like white people wearing white - they look too uniform to look good. Especially when they have straw blonde hair. And wear white pants with it.

I also love calculators. I'm glad they were invented. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I know someone who's failing undergrad math, which I would have thought is difficult to do at this age, but no, it's not. In fact it's harder. And I say that only because I'm done with it. If I weren't, I'd probably be too proud to admit that undergrad is difficult business.

Bush and Dick, Sitting on a Tree

2009-03-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

If I were a girl, I would never sleep with Cheney. For one, he's White. And White men look good only in the dark. And secondly, every time he opens his mouth I feel like stuffing it with shit. Pure, deshi, brown shit. It would do him some good, I reckon. Not that I want any good to happen to him (not to curse him with bad luck for the rest of his life). And my latest outburst comes because he disagrees with Bush. Yes, you read right, no need to go back and read that sentence again. Let me explain. How many of you remember Libby? No one? How about the guy who was convicted of blowing the cover of a CIA agent whose husband was anti Iraq war? Yes, I thought so. Well, as it turns out, Cheney Shaheb wanted dodo headed Bush to pardon him during his last days in office. Why? Because Libby was Cheney's Chief of Staff. But Bush didn't. Yes, I know. Even I was surprised. However, get this: Cheney still dissapproves of G-Bay withdrawals and humane treatment of terrorist suspects, just like Bush. What a Dick, you say? So did his mother. The day he was born.

What I fail to understand is, though, how could America put Dick and Bush in the White House? Just that combination of names should've been enough to vote them out, I would think. But, oh well.

And that relationship advice? Coming up shortly. Can you tell I'm procastinating?

Twix and Arizona Iced Tea

2009-03-14T21:14:00.000-07:00

I would never write about relationships - that's just not my forte - but I'm compelled to right now, because I am at a loss. I've managed to argue and rant about everything (well, almost) my entire life but this is where I get stuck. Not because I don't have experience, but but because my experiences are so divergent that I cannot compare and contrast. And I never have. No, never. I don't compare current partners with former ones. In any way. What's gone is gone, and it's better that way - that is what I believe in. Not that many people believe me. And those who do probably do it to shut me up. But that's how it is. So between munching on Twix (yes, the chocolate bar and no, I'm not a girl), and gulping down cheap Arizona Iced Tea (the half mango - half tea stuff isn't bad, really) I'm trying to find out what the converging and diverging issues are of those who lost jobs during the mass shutdown of steel mills during Roosevelts' regime, or was it Reagan? One of the Republicans. So now you know I'm really not paying attention to what I'm reading.

And I just remembered - I have a bunch of things to do, things that I had completely forgotten about. So my take on relationships (which I was being compelled to write about) has to wait. Let me grab another chocolate bar, first. So much for compulsions.

TypeCasted

2009-03-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

In previous posts I had discussed the Bengali fixation on being fair (and thus lovely) and how the advent of white makeup in addition to Filipino magic hands (that promise to make people white in exchange for large sums of cash) is nothing short of a miracle in the minds of those who adore the color white. What I had not talked about (at all) is the opposite of that. Those who claim 'kaloi holo jogoter alo' is probably just as freaky as the White wannabes, wouldn't you say? While it's perfectly normal to have a preference, I see no reason why we must add reason and logic to it. It's like love. Do we decide to love someone? Or does it happen on its own and then we add reason and logic to it? I believe it's the latter. Why else do we so often fall for the wrong people? If logic had anything to do with it, we probably wouldn't have. The natural outcome of a decision based on reason is supposed to be a positive one, they tell us. I doubt they're completely wrong.

Another thing I've been thinking about lately (not too hard, don't worry): do we all have a 'type' of person we fall in love with? This guy I know have dated a lot of horizontally gifted women - not to mean they're not attractive, because they are, but they all had this one characteristic in common. Maybe there were others, but I don't know them well enough to spot it. So would it be safe to assume that he only likes this one type of women? Or is it all a coincidence? I don't think I'll ever know. My own experience with the opposite gender tells me that there is no 'type' but I never actively selected the people I dated - I've said yes/no to people who approached me. So my experience would show that I have not attracted the same types of people but it says nothing about what my type is. And hence the question, do I have a type?

So my question is: do YOU have a type?

'My penis has been stolen by a witch'

2009-03-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

An except from blog.blowfish.com:

I’ve been collecting links about nefarious supernatural penis thieves for a while, waiting for a kind of critical mass to build up and enable me to devote a column to the subject, but only felt sufficiently inspired after reading Bonk by Mary Roach.

The book is about “the curious coupling of science and sex,” and she touches on the psychological disorder some men have in which they believe their penises are shrinking or disappearing. Occasionally, they believe their penises are stolen by witches. She talks about some relevant passages in the Malleus Maleficarum, the medieval witch-hunting manual, which describes how witches steal dicks, sometimes 20 or 30 at a time, and store them in birds’ nests, “where they move themselves like living members, and eat oats and corn.” That’s an image I’ll not soon forget.

Read the entire piece here: http://blog.blowfish.com/caught-in-the-net/caught-in-the-net-beware-the-penis-thieves/996

Suicidal at Niagara and other stories

2009-03-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

Jackpot News, March 12: In an exclusive interview with WTF, the unidentified man who jumped into the Niagara Falls claims that it was NOT a suicide attempt, he was merely practicing for the triathlon that he will be competing in April. Does the triathlon involve jumping into a water fall? No, but it requires a 5mile swim which begins with a swift dive from a 10m diving board, we found out. This man from Ontario county claim that the Niagara Falls is the closest swimming pool to his house. So was this his first attempt? How did he manage to spend 45 minutes in the near freezing water while managing to avoid the whirlpool that is the Niagara? "Yoga", he said. So Yoga it is.

Relatedly, an unidentified man who jumped into the Dhanmondi Lake too claims that it was NOT a suicide attempt. What else would he be doing in a water body in which even fishes die, you ask? He claims, he was taking a bath. However, he was retrieved from the lake by a group of slum kids who pulled him out thinking that he was a big fish. We at WTF are wondering if Danny Boyle would be interested in that story. Go Dan! Here's another chance at the Oscars!

blocked

2009-03-10T16:08:00.001-07:00

Is my nose. Well, no. I don't know why I just wrote that. It's actually my mind. Perhaps it's the exhilaration of writing in another blog, which is actually someone else's. It's almost like writing personal emails from someone else's email account, but still using my own name. It's like the pleasure of having access of someone else's private information, which is often by surreptitious means, but this one's legit so it's not as much fun (c'mon admit it, reading other people's mail is fun. Or I'm just a closet voyeur) but it still feels kind of weird. Because when it's a surreptitious act, you at least pretend that you haven't done it - even to yourself, sometimes. But when it's legit, I guess you just don't know what to feel, and can't process what you're feeling.

And after taking pot shots at people who write just for the sake of writing, or who just write descriptions without interpretive comments, or even just about themselves I'm not doing such a great job myself. And I am pretty much just writing about myself. Does that make me a closet hypocrit? Well, not closet anymore since this is a public forum.

If you've read Joruri Khobor at all, you'll know that Tokai (i.e. I) was evacuated. Thank you, Shakib Bhai for providing me with temporary shelter. Much obliged, I am. Because there are tons of shredded paper on the streets, especially near Hawa Bhobon, I am seriously busy trying to collect all I can (read hoard), but I will need a refuge at the end of the day and this porch will work very well, thank you. Hopefully, even better than the garbage bin in which I used to live. Because Tokais don't sign contracts, no deals have been signed. So I'm here till I have to evacuate again.

padams, jimmy padams

2009-03-09T12:49:00.001-07:00

This one's for the cricket fans. And not just any cricket fans, but the ones who actually follow the game in its longer format aka Test Match Cricket. I'm a HUGE cricket fan. Those who know me know this well. The one song of my band that gets regular radio play is "Cholo Bangladesh" which i was inspired to compose when Bangladesh beat Pakistan in the 1999 Cricket World Cup.

I was introduced to the world of cricket pretty late in my life. I was 20, in my 2nd year of college, and i had a lot of free time on my hands as all my friends had gone to study abroad. I decided to invest a lot of my free time in watching cricket. It started with the 1996 world cup, which was spectacular for the wonderful aggressive cricket played by Sri Lanka, and then in 1998 i started playing the game myself. I had left the stage behind where i could get coaching and play any serious league so i settled for playing with my cousins and my new friends in Bangladesh.

Pretty soon we had a healthy cricketing life. Every weekend we were at the field batting and bowling. It didn't matter that i couldn't bat or bowl, what mattered was that i gave it my all. And slowly and surely, i started learning the art of the game. I was never one of those dashing batsmen. I think there are only 3 innings (test and 1-day combined) when i successfully flashed my blade. Otherwise i was the slow and steady type. Very little talent but lots of heart. And so i always loved following the players in international cricket who were also great strugglers. And Jimmy Adams, left-handed batsman and former Captain of the West Indies, struggled with the best of them.

The recent Test series between England And West Indies has degenerated into a run fest on flat and insipid wickets. A far cry from the bouncy and hard pitches of the West Indies of old. But the West Indies team boasts the great Shivnarine Chanderpaul and the newcomer Brian Nash, whose playing styles suited the flat pitches perfectly. Brian Nash has the distinction of being a struggler and he's the only white player in the WI team. Being a minority, he immediately got my attention. And then i saw him struggle and i fell in love with him. Shiv Chanderpaul is not really a struggler. He has all the shots in the book, some which are not, and yet he has this slow and plodding playing style in test matches that makes it look like he is struggling to find runs. All this struggle reminded me of Jimmy Adams and one particular innings Jimmy played against Pakistan when he was captain.

Jimmy was never a great talent. He was a hard worker. He scored a lot of runs when he originally debuted but soon lost his form and was dropped. But then WI lost all its talent and that created an opportunity for Adams to come back. Come back he did, and after Lara gave up his captaincy he took over. We knew he was not the savior of WI cricket. He knew it too. But i always felt he had a lot of heart and i thought at that moment in time he was the best man for the job. So i wholeheartedly supported his captaincy, through all the defeats and the few victories he managed. And the one moment i will always remember was his celebration after he scored a hard-fought 50 against Pakistan in a test in WI.

I don't remember details of that match. All i remember is that Wavel Hinds batted magnificently and WI won the series 1-0. All the pitches were flat because they were scared of akram and akhter. Plus Pakistan had really good spinners as well. And WI had no one. So flat track it was. But even so, Akram and Akhter bowled with fire and Adams struggled. Really struggled. And managed to score a 50 in one of the matches. He took off his helmet and ran around the pitch as if he had scored a triple century. He had a huge grin on his face and he was the happiest man alive at that moment. That moment was was burned into my memory and also into the memory of my friends who watched it. And today i discovered it was a moment that others noted as well. For today i brought up the Adams 50 run celebration and this junior friend of mine immediately said "the one against Pakistan" and then we both burst out laughing.

Well i hope you remember that particular moment, you who are reading this. It was a moment that captured the innocent happiness of a man who fought and struggled hard all his life to do what he loves doing. and in that moment of triumph, it didn't matter that it was a minor milestone. All that mattered was that he had reached a milestone and he was happy for himself and his team that his effort had paid off.

At the end of the day, that's all that matters. So here's to you Jimmy Adams! We remember you fondly!

Respect

2009-03-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

25th February 2009 -- as brutal and as important a date as any other in our short and bloody history. BDR men going rogue, Army on the warpath, the civilian government caught flatfooted in the worst form of crisis. A lot has been said about all this, a lot has been written. But a lot is still left to be said. The investigation is going on, the head culprits still at large. The role of NSI and DGFI and other intelligence bodies in the nation still murky. Everything is murky. Nothing is clear. Everything is a shade of gray.

Or is it?

One thing does stand out from that awful awful day. One thing and one thing only. The discipline and strength of character of the Army. The nation has already done the official mourning. But i agree with Film Director Faruqui who has said that the entire nation owes an apology to the army for thinking ill of them on the 25th. The media influenced the entire country to believe that the army men treated the BDR men badly, so badly that they couldn't take it anymore. And as usual, we immediately felt for the underdogs. It wasn't until 2 days later when all the dead bodies started floating up when we all realized the extent of the treachery, the butchery and the horror perpetrated by the BDR.

And so we have the Hasina tapes on the Internet. Where the army shouts at our PM and accuses her. I thought they were surprisingly well controlled. And i thought Hasina handled herself rather well. Because the army had every reason to feel aggrieved. While the government tried to reach a solution that would entail minimum bloodshed, the BDR men went on a killing spree. Their victims - the army officers stationed inside the camp. And yet, and yet the army maintained its discipline. They respected the will of the elected government. They gave meaning to honor and sacrifice.

In the end, their honor and sacrifice will not bring back the dead. Will not console the families of the dead. will not lessen their feeling of guilt. Guilt at standing by and doing nothing while their brothers were being slaughtered. But that was the need of the hour. That was the choice, the dreaded decision, the devil's alternative. For the nation to survive, the army sacrificed their own.

And in the process earned a nation's undying respect.

(picture copyright 300)

Women's Day Celebrations by Bangladesh Islamic Party

2009-03-08T20:03:00.001-07:00

March 8, BDNEWS420: The Bangladesh Islamic Party celebrated International Women's Day today, March 8, as the number of women on the streets reduced due to the recent mutiny that killed many Army personnel and some civilians.

'This is an achievement that we are proud of. Keeping the women off the streets is the first crucial step in bringing law and order to this nation of ours,' said spokesperson Mirza Alim.

When reminded that it was not their credit, and it was in fact an indication of the lack of law and order in the country, Alim said, 'Do not talk about what you do not know. Women are the cause of all problems in this world. If we did not have women police guarding the intersection of Satmasjid Road and Dhanmondi Road 27, we would not have had this crisis upon us. Please do not make comments that can destabilize our country for which we have fought for for the last few years.'

We at WTF, happy that Mr. Alim thought that we were strong enough to destabilize the country, left him alone as he pretended to count the tasbih. We, of course, don't know what exactly he was counting.

( Mirza Alim, on the account that photographs are not halal, refused to let our cameraman in. He even threatened to break his camera if he tried to take a picture. We wanted to do a sketch, but then decided against it. He's not much to look at, so why bother?)

A Red Box with a Blue Ribbon

2009-03-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

That is what I got on Valentine's Day this year. The box was painted red. With a permanent marker (the pungent smell of a marker is probably as permanent as the ink). And the blue ribbon was a strip of cloth torn out of something else. I didn't want to dwell on what it could be. Letting my imagination run wild is often a bad idea. Especially since I live on my own. With a window that overlooks midnight blue from 6pm onwards. Not that I mind the color, I think it's lovely. In fact I look great in the almost midnight blue sweater that a friend gave to me last week. I love her to bits. And her little baby is a little pillow with the most adorable chubby cheeks. (Note: I did not say the most adorable chubby cheeks EVER, like some people invariably does).

Getting back to the box, it didn't have a name tag, nor was I completely sure it was intended for me. But it was left in front of my door. What else could I do but take it, right? I thought so too. And when I opened the box, I realized two things: 1) that I really shouldn't have opened it, and 2) it was intended for me.

And that is how the short story In my shoes jumps into the narration of a small but significant aspect of a girl's predicament about life and men. The things she finds in that box takes her back to different parts of her personal history that had once appeared to be unrelated and unimportant. The objects in the box, when placed together, reveal how they are all tied together.

(In my shoes is still in its editing stages, but the author allowed us a sneak preview!)

the inglorious bastards

2008-12-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

Well here it is once again, a brand new election day!!! So many changes, so many promises, all down the drain. 2 years back when the army came to power and started putting all the crooks in jail we all heaved a sigh of relief and dreamed of better times. However, like everything else that happens in Bangladesh, there was no plan. No plan on how make proper arrests, how to make the convictions stick, how to really put the most corrupt bastards away for good. And in this i guess the preceding political parties themselves are to blame, or to credit. Because no attempt has ever been made to overhaul the judiciary and police systems. Crime and punishment has had a very tenuous relationship, like a fleeting summer fling. I had a feeling that all this arresting people and throwing them in jail was only a very temporary measure and it would ultimately prove futile.

And it has.

All the old faces are back for re-election. I think the only casualty is Babur, who's been thrown out of BNP.

So i'm feeling a tad bloodthirsty. We already know the worst offenders. The army should have just wiped them off the face of the earth. Killed the inglorius bastards and be done with it. We could have later apologised to the UN over this regrettable incident. Can you see it? One night of carnage, and 50 or 60 of the worst offendors and their henchmen 6 feet under. Ahh. Brings a tear to me eye.

one can alweays dream.

The Luxury of Mediocrity, or, the horrible film that is ontorjatra

2008-12-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

You know, i can understand when bad films are churned out of Hollywood. They have a huge money making industry and they simply HAVE to release a certain amount of films every business year and the moment you enter a situation when you HAVE to do things chances are some of it will work and some of it won't. So yes we are used to god awful movies from Hollywood. But then there are the indie film makers from US and Europe. The whole point of the indie film makers is that they tackle fresh topics, or bring in fresh perspectives, and on the whole serve up an interesting alternative dish to the mainstream big mac that we consume day in and day out.

As a child of the nineties and the new millennium, i would expect the film makers of Bangladesh to try the same things, especially the ones who are making films for the festival circuit and are not dependent on domestic release to earn back their money. We all abhor the atrocious films from FDC, we all think we can do better than that, but sadly we never really do, do we? I haven't watched anything else by Tarek Masud & his wife and Ontorjatra was the first film of his that i watched. With good reason - the mom of one of my best friends was in a starring role. So i went and bought the DVD and put on the movie. And man what a punishment it turned out to be.

I won't even go into the technical deficiencies of the film, the odd camera angles, the bad sylheti accent, the poor sound direction. I'll just talk about the storytelling. There wasn't any. And with good reason too, because you need a good story in order to tell it in an interesting way. Tarek Masud and his wife had a vague notion of a sliver of an idea and then tried to tell a story about that vague notion of a sliver of an idea. The result? Devastatingly bad script, incredibly insipid dialog, deafeningly horrendous storytelling. You'd expect Tarek masud to be a pro by now, with 3 or more films (that i know about) under his belt. Do you really mean to tell me that a veteran film maker didn't understand you need story sequences which actually progress the story? That the dialogs have to be at least as interesting as what we say in real life? I mean i can understand trying to have a bit of theatricality in the dialog but holy shit they were so insipid!!! I frequently tell my ad film maker buddies that i have nothing but contempt for film makers as they can't make a decent movie. I just got more fodder for that particular line of attack. Will the film makers of Bangladesh please WATCH SOME CONTEMPORARY FUCKING MOVIES AND LEARN THE CRAFT???

Be Afraid, Detective Chapter 2

2008-12-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

Chapter 2
The previous day:
Salma knew today was different. For one, she hadn’t woken up with that feeling of throwing up this morning. And the not-so-playful kicks from the new temporary resident in her belly were also absent. Good, Salma thought, the little brat is finally letting me wake up in peace. Hard to believe the months had gone by so quickly. Seems like it was yesterday when the blood stopped flowing, and she mentioned it to Him. He greeted the news with that enigmatic smile that she had come to love so much. She still thought it a bit strange that He was not a bit surprised. Which was weird because she had been on the pill. They had discussed and decided on the pill, because they both hated condoms. Damn those rubbery things. Chewing gum with the wrapper on, as the man said. So she had been on the pill, and had been diligent in keeping track of her cycles and everything. But still something had snuck through. Some little sperm had defeated all her augmented and reinforced defenses and managed to fertilize an egg. And He was fine with the news. Was happy in fact. As if He knew it was coming. Salma never really thought about it before. It was something that was sort of at the back of her mind but she hadn’t found the right moment to ask Him about it.

At first it was all about whether the baby would be kept. Because they weren’t married, it would be a legal and social mess. And He had made it clear that they would not get married. Something about this not being the right time. That’s another thing Salma never understood. Why wasn’t it the right time? She loved Him, and He loved her back. He had a nice job with lots of money, they had an appartment. True Salma never figured out what He did. He had to leave the city frequently. Apparently they (whoever “they” were) needed him to go all over the world and do their work for them. At least that’s what He said. And Salma believed Him…didn’t she? So what if she didn’t know what He did…didn’t know where He worked…where He was from…wait a minute wait a minute…

Didn’t know where He worked? Didn’t know where He’s from? Suddenly Salma started feeling apprehensive. What the hell was going on…Of course she knew where He worked, who He was…He worked for…umm, ok, we’ll get to that one later ladies and gents, His family lives on…ok, so the family question is another blinder…but lets not panic yet, thought Salma. But she couldn’t help herself. She felt panicky. So she did what she always does when she feels panicky. She blamed it on her condition and got busy making a sumptuous breakfast.

Two omlettes, bread, butter, and a potato salad later Salma sat back in the living room watching TV. But her mind kept going back to the questions which she had never asked or thought of. Not in the last 8 months. Eight months? She had been with Him for EIGHT months?? And where exactly WAS here? Suddenly the panic was back. She suddenly realized she didn’t know where she was. Yes, she was home, but where the hell WAS home? It isn’t natural for people to forget their own address, is it? What exactly DID she know about her situation? And why the hell hadn’t she thought about all this before? “Calm yourself Salma, there’s nothing to worry about” she told herself. And as she said it she knew she didn’t believe it. She had a bad feeling. Something was different today, and not different in a good way either. She felt as if she had been asleep, her mind turned off all these months. And now that it was turning on again she was faced with a situation she just could not explain. She closed her eyes and tried to think of Him. That’s what she normally did when she felt anxious, or alone. She would always remember His face, His smile, and it would calm her. But she couldn’t picture Him now. Could not visualize Him at all. How could that be? What the hell was going on? The panic started rising. Salma turned off the Tv andf started pottering in the kitchen. She decided to cook a feast. Her larder was well stocked. She would make a special dinner for Him and He would explain everything and it would all be fine.

Little did Salma know at that time that it would be the last meal she would ever cook.

Be afraid, Detective

2008-12-01T04:53:00.000-08:00

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. But there was no beauty to this crime scene. Oh sure, there were the bodies, blood splatters, signs of struggle. A lot of misery and violence had happened in this room. But it didn’t make sense. The door, locked from the inside. The windows with grills, all intact. No sound had been heard from people living across the hall. The guards downstairs said no one had come visiting deep in the night. And yet…and yet…here it all was. A mother and child, dead, brutally slain, bellies slashed open, guts hanging out. What made it all the more gruesome was that the child had been ripped from the womb…and then stabbed. And hacked. And slashed. Why all this violence? The killer could have finished the job much more neatly with a simple slash across the mother’s throat. That would have taken care of the unborn child as well. But no. The killer went graphic. As if he wanted to make a statement. But a statement to whom? The dead victim? Or the police? Or to someone else who may be next on the list?

So yes, it was a singularly ugly crime scene. Not because of the horrible scenes of mutilation and bloodbath. But because it didn’t make sense. And Detective Inspector Delwar hated crime scenes that took more than 5 minutes to figure out. He called them “ugly” crime scenes.

cryptic fate A.D. (after danob)

2008-11-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

Danob came out in 2006. Sreshtho came out in 2002. Ends are Forever came out in 1995. Long, LONG gaps to be sure. But that is what happens when you're a full time career person and a part time musician. And when your drummer keeps skipping out on you. Wll it wasn't really his fault, as he had his career goals and they were all centered on settling in the US. Especially since he was a green card holder, had graduated from a top college there and gotten his MBA from an ivy league university. But all that resulted in the rest of us staying back in Dhaka losing our momentum and generally shooting the breeze as regards music.

I remmeber it was very hard getting into our groove for Danob. In fact the first song we attempted to compose sort of fell apart at the seams. It refused to evolve from its basic primary nature into a complete flowing song. In the end we just discarded the song and moved on. Another thing with Danob, we wanted a very dark album. We wanted to the music to have a groove, but it had to be dark. And complicated. And according to others, experimental. Because i never felt we were experimenting. We were doing what came to us naturally at the time. But later on people who heard the album claimed it was a complicated and experimental album. Those who liked it liked it for these reason. And those who didn't think much of the album did so for these reasons as well. You can't please everyone.

We decided a few months back that we'd start working on the new album. We wouldn't wait another 4 years. And unlike Danob, we hit success with our first song in our first practice session. To be fair it was a riff that we had toyed around with previously, around the time Danob was being recorded, but still it was a good sign that things were flowing smoothly. Since deciding to work on the album, we've jammed quite a lot and we've come up with 4 solid songs. And in fairly quick time too. This time, we want songs that are fun to play and sing, songs that are simple and songs that are melodic. Not melodic in a dark sense (our primary concern in Danob), but just melodic. I guess we had a lot of things to prove in the last album and we feel we have proved them. Now we have nothing to prove. Now we just want to do straight out heavy metal.

Even as i write this, the band's future is in a flux. Things are happening that will steer the band in one dedfinite direction or another. Who knows which will be for the better. But whichever way our fate lies, we are all hanging on for the ride. Because come hell or high water, we will finish the 4th album in the enxt 6 months.

anatomy of a live

2008-10-24T02:34:00.000-07:00

My band's been around since 1993. As fortune would have it, from the beginning everyone in the band was a huge maiden and metallica fan. That meant we got to do a lot of maiden and a lot of metallica over the years. And it's been a lot of years. And a lot of live shows. But no matter what we played, we got to be known as "the" maiden band of Bangladesh. And so it was a real joy and pleasure when we are invited by BATB to perform in one of their Tribute shows. And we would be giving tribute to my favorite band of all time, Iron Maiden.

First things first - the setlist. We made a list of around 16 songs we would like to play. But then we were informed that we would have an hour so we had to make a list of 10 songs. And boy was it difficult to make that list. There were so many songs we wanted to do! I always wanted to do Phantom of the Opera, one of the 3 instrumentals maiden has, Killers, Tailgunner, Infinite Dreams, Be Quick or Be dead etc etc. But then we settled on the absolute classics, plus one song which is not so popular but we absolutely wanted to play live. And then we started to practice.

Most of the songs in my own band are on the D scale. Whereas almost ALL the maiden songs are on E. So i was scared that i wouldn't be able to pull off 10 maiden songs in a row at the E scale. A so i suggested to my band lets tune down our guitars so i can sing more comfortably. But even as i made that suggestion I felt like a cheat and coward. It's like I was letting my favorite band down. Which is kind of ridiculous as they don't even know I exist. And my guitarrists grumbled and mumbled that dropping half a note on the guitars would make it go out of tune. So i said lets try it on E first, and if i can't hack it we'll drop down to D sharp.

So the day of the first practice comes around and I put on the set list on my winamp. The first 2 songs had me coughing and hacking and almost throwing up. In fact i later fibbed to everyone that i did throw up. But i didn't. Came close to it, but I didn't. But one wonderful fact emerged from this painful experience. I was able to sing the songs. With great difficulty to be sure, but i could match my scale to the ones Bruce was belting out. So it was with great joy i told everyone we'd be doing the songs in the original scale. No need for flummery of any kind. And than we got down to the brass tacks. We practiced like we've never practiced for a show. Every other day we got together, we played the songs, we identified problem areas, the drummer came under a lot of flak. It wasn't untill we threatened to throw him out of the band that he start taking his duties seriously. The 2nd to last practice, we went all out. We all geared up and then i announced that we'd be doing every song again if anyone of us made any mistake whatsoever while playing the song. Well we all made mistakes. And we ended up playing 5 or 6 of the songs thrice, even four times. But at the end of that practice session we felt really good. We had ironed out our demons. We were ready.

Then came the day of the live show. And we did good. Not as good as i wanted, but about as good as i thought. And the best thing was the sound engineer recorded our live performance. We now had our very own Live after Death. Farshed ma'man, wish you were there.

Good morning Sun!

2008-02-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

Don't tell me "good morning" unless you're talking to me sometime after 10 a.m. All my life i waged a war against waking early in the morning and its a war that i finally won after i entered university. i clearly remember those sad days of school when i was forced to rise at the crack of dawn (7 a.m.). But i never rose willingly. My mom used to start the assault against my sleep by coming every two minutes to my room and gently trying to make me conscious. And i used to mumble something, turn away and go back to sleep. And this would usually continue until my father would enter the room and let out a bellow. Usually followed by threats of various bodily harm if i did not vacate the bed immediately. That got my attention every time. In fact there were a lot of times when i felt my father's presence before i heard him, through a not so gentle cuff on the head, or a not so mild kick or whack with the handy curtain rod. I was not allowed to close the door to my room because who ever has heard of privacy in Bangali middle class families? So the best i could negotiate was putting in a curtain to separate my room from anyone's viewing pleasure from the dining room. And it was this curtain rod which on many occasions have come in contact with my backside for such transgressions as not going to the mosque, not doing well in studies, and most often -- not waking up early enough. For you see, not only was there a vast difference between my definition of early and my father's, i suspect there would be a difference in meaning with most people.

My father comes from a family of 9 siblings.Yes NINE. In fact they were supposed to be 12 but due to poor medical facilities available in those days 5 of them died young. They're buried somewhere in Habiganj. I wonder if my father and his siblings ever visited those graves. Its really strange, the death of a new born baby. I don't really know if those 5 died as newborn babies or not, but i do know they all died very young. Possibly before much attachment could be formed with the family. A cousin of mine went through this tragedy of losing a newborn baby a few years back. In this case it was very sad because it was her first child. And for some strange reason, strange because I'm never around my family, i was around and i accompanied my cousin's husband and my father and gently laid the baby to rest in the mirpur graveyard. It was very sad. A tiny little grave. Just the 4 people attending the funeral. I didn't even see the baby. I doubt if anyone did.

But as i was saying, my father comes from a family of 9 siblings and they lived in Habiganj town. My grandfather was a hotshot mokhter, which is some sort of a lawyer, i don't know what sort. And as is usual in those days in small towns, he was very religious and led an active life. So active that it started with the Fazar Azaan. And as the head of the house woke up for the Fazaar prayers, so did the others. They didn't want to for sure, but they had to. And it wasn't a simple matter of waking up, saying your prayers and going to sleep. Oh no. There was no going back to sleep. They had to wake up, the boys had to go the mosque, and in fact sometimes some of the boys had to wake up really early because sometimes my grandfather arranged for one of them to give the Azaan. This is another prestigious thing in our religion and definitely in small towns. It is a great privilege to give the Azaan, which basically calls people to prayer. So woe to the boy who had this additional privilege because he had to wake up EVEN earlier then the others! And once the prayers were done, the children were expected to sit up and read the Quran. This is another popular past time in small towns and middle class families who are slightly religious minded. And my father's family was very religious minded. Not in a fanatical way, because they enjoyed their movie shows, they dressed in all the outrageous fashions of those times, but they were also very religious.

Coming back to the present and to me, my father actually expected me to follow that kind of a lifestyle. The fact that we now have electricity, for which we go to sleep late and thus can't really wake up so early is something which completely escaped him, even after i pointed it out. He actually expected me to wake up, say my prayers (preferably in the mosque), read the Quran, then study. STUDY. Well, my father tried for 5 years. And failed for 5 years. After which he gave up. I took it all. I took all the verbal abuse, the occasional beatings, the constant haranguing, i took it all and STILL didn't wake up before 7 a.m., and that too with the gentle ministrations of my mother and the bellows of my father.

Well all this was a long time ago. It all ended for me in 1992. 15 years? yeah 15 years. Long time. And in that time man did i sleep!! I slept in class, i slept in rickshaws, i slept in office (the bathtub in the office bathroom with the towel as the pillow), and on weekends i slept really late. Well not so late in the early years, when i used to wake up by 10 or 11 a.m. but nowadays i wake up really late. Say in the afternoon.

I actually gave up on a job because it required me to be at office by 8 a.m. I was like, haven't i done enough of that in 12 years of school? And then sometimes in university? I'm done with all of that and as an adult i refuse to wake up at 7 (in order to be in office by 8) and so i quit. And now i work in an ad firm, one of the bes tin Bangladesh, where i am the creative director. And as creative director i get to take creative liberty with my office arrival time, averaging between ten thirty and eleven on good days. On bad days? Ask my colleagues!

Nowadays, i LOVE staying up all night on weekends and going to bed when the fazar azaan hits the airwaves. Now thats the kind of good morning that i like. Where i say "good morning" and go to sleep!

impression of depression

2008-01-14T17:00:00.001-08:00

Life sucks!! everything's the same! its the same old people and the same old routine, the same old shit day in day out. No, that's not really how I feel. But I've been there. And so have you.

I've had a very privileged life. So have my friends. We all have happy families, we all have well to do families, we never had to want for anything. And yet we all go through a lot of stress and angst and in some cases depression. For years i never really understood this depression business. Life was full of things to do, books to read, movies to watch, addas to be enjoyed, who had time for depression? I always figured you only have so much time on your hands in this world, why waste it on being sad and depressed? what I didn't know was that a lot of the time its something that overwhelms you and you get sucked in. No one wants to be depressed. Its just something we have to go through.

My depressions stem from compromises and love. I have loved several times and I have lost several times. And all those losses have plunged me into depression. I never really realized I was depressed. I accepted the fact that I was sad, I accepted that its something I had to go through and tried to meet life head on. But I didn't really manage it. I took refuge by totally removing myself from society. I disappeared from work for days, I didn't receive phone calls, I simply existed in my room. My room is heaven. and haven. It has a computer, an amplifier, TV, DVD, books, movies, Internet connection, everything I could want. So when I get depressed, I get into my room, don't come out unless I am hungry, and immerse myself in movies, Internet and books. And sleep. Its such a wonderful feeling to doze off from reading a book, wake up, turn on a movie, doze off again, wake up, have food, settle down with the book, doze off, wake up, surf the net, turn on a movie...you get my drift. Its wonderful. Its so wonderful that I just don't feel like getting back to society. Once I was in my room for 5 days before my friends came and dragged me out. They were all very worried because I was bunking office and wasn't returning calls. And everyone was like, "are you depressed? what's wrong?" To which I always answered, no I'm not depressed, I just wasn't feeling well.

I guess I'm lucky that my depression is a way of positively cleansing my soul. Because when I shut myself off in my room, I'm not sad. I genuinely enjoy reading books and watching movies. and sleeping. I love it. I don't think about what's bugging me because nothing is bugging me.

In the last few years I have had to realize that life is one compromise after another. I thought i would always be with my friends, but so many of my closest friends live abroad. I always thought I would establish my band as a spearhead in rock, but its just not the same without my original drummer. So many things i have had to accept. But I'm not sad. I'm not sad because at the end of the day I don't look at these as real problems. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, I work in the best place ever, and I have it better than so many people in the world. So I don't really feel sad when I shut myself in my room. Its just that i get overwhelmed at all the compromises I have had to make and it gets to me. And so I watch movies. read books. Enjoy myself. And live the impression that I'm not depressed.

Follow on

2008-01-05T10:10:00.001-08:00

I was one of the crores of people who heaved a sigh of relief and whooped in happiness when the ridiculous caretaker government formed under the leadership of the BNP puppet Iazuddin was dissolved through military intervention and a new more neutral body of advisors was activated. Well its almost been a year now and I'm not sure whether we're still whooping in joy.

As a lot of people have already commented in editorials, talk shows, blogs and addas, the only thing that the CTG government seems to be doing properly, or at least with some success, is apprehend people and put them in jail. That sounds just about right for a government whose orders come from the military, even though apparently the military are not in power. If that is so, then why is it that the only positive this government can show from the last year is arrests? Whatever good they have done, its related to capturing people who were corrupt.

But its not that easy is it? Anyone who has been in Dhaka for a few months will have an idea of how ridiculous the city planning is. Apparently we do have a city planning commission, who take into account the aesthetics as well as the practicalities when commissioning new buildings to be built. Then how do you explain the Rangs building debacle? Why should only rangs pay for the crime of putting up the building on civil property? What about all those vultures in the City planning commission or whatever that organization is called who took fat bribes to allow rangs to go ahead with the building? Its all well and good to apprehend a few, and yes, it really has only been a few, people and make a hue and cry that we're fighting corruption. But have we made any fundamental difference? Are we on our way towards making any fundamental difference? The entire Secretariat Building is full of crooks. The entire Police and judiciary body is full of crooks. Have we, in the course of this one whole year, formulated any sort of plan which looks at how we can either eradicate or correct these problems?

My complain with any government which comes to power in Bangladesh is that you hardly ever see any long term plans. I remember I actually supported the formation of the Rapid Action Battalion. I mistakenly thought that this was a well thought out plan. I made up my own reasons for why we needed the RAB and my reasoning went like this -- The judiciary and police are too politicized and corrupt to hold on to powerful criminals and so we need a short term vaccine, something that will have a more permanent solution in the short term, instead of the endless cycle of crooks being arrested, the police getting a phone call and then releasing them back to the streets. I thought while RAB is permanently dealing with the crooks in the short term, our esteemed government will take this opportunity to re-structure the judiciary and the police force from within so that in a year or two we won't need RAB. For RAB can never be the solution. It can only be the short term adrenaline injection. But of course, who was I kidding? The BNP government, just like the previous AL government, was too happy with the status quo. Because everything still worked as far as the corrupt were concerned. And when everybody's corrupt, then you just shut up and follow.

I fear the reign of the CTG is really not the start of a brand new innings. Its merely another follow on.

new year evolution

2008-01-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

Ahh 2008 is here!! Whoopeee!!! Its time to forget all that went wrong in 2007 because sure as hell there will be a lot that will go wrong in 2008 that you need to make room for in your heart and mind! My first new years night out was at my friend kimu's place in shegun bagicha. Those were the days i didn't smoke, i didn't drink, i was a good boy. Dull, but good. We all went to her place, there was a barbeque on the roof, Kimu's elder brother Miran was busy being an asshole to us (we were 16, he was 19, it was a big deal back then). We hung out, had some fun and i probably returned home. I don't really remember. The next year was i think the '93/94 new years that we all actually bought tickets and went to a party. It happened in old DOHS club and Mrs. Murshed of Scholastica helped finance the tickets. Those were the days when we were all students and we were all poor. Well not all, but at least us guys. We had just had a botched up concert in school (December school fair, Cryptic Fate & Friends) and Ehsan, the ostensible band manager, charged our school principal a hefty bill for the sound equipment and part of that money was used in sponsoring the tickets for the party. Is it any wonder i have such fondness for my old principal? She turned out to be really good to us all the time. For example, when it came time to apply to universities in America, it was her duty to give us recommendations in sealed envelopes. And it was our duty to send the sealed envelopes straight to the universities we were applying to without knowing whats in it. Needless to say, none of us kept them sealed. I opened mine and was thoroughly touched at seeing that i was touted as a boy of character as evidenced by my being a school prefect. I found this especially touching as i was never a school prefect! In later years, i talked to some of my old school teachers and they were all astonished when i mentioned that i was never a prefect, because they all thought i was. Strange. This may explain how i was able to get away with some of the things I got away with.

Anyway, on to the new years party. Ever since 1994 i have been enjoying new year parties every year and i have had only 2 duds. One was the millennium party (fell into a drain) and the other was the '04/05 party (raided by cops). The others have all had their moments of glory. This year was no exception. Most of my friends from London and the States were here and we all went to Radisson. The tickets cost 5000 takas and we all thought it was a bit excessive, although the money was apparently going to charity. However, i got my money's worth. The party hall was done up beautifully in lounge style with low chairs and tables and there was an open bar throughout the night and there was good food as well. The organizers certainly didn't scrimp on the hospitality part. The good atmosphere and the good company negated any irritation i felt at the mediocre party music being played. We danced, talked, laughed, ate, drank and generally engaged in being merry. And when the clock struck 12, we ushered in the new year with lots of hugs, kisses and emotional photographs. It was great to be there at that moment with most of my close friends. And it was then that i decided that this would be the last party i went to alone. Next year i will party hard and my wife will be there with me. It was beautiful to see all my married friends with their wonderful wives and even though i was with people i love i felt alone. And irritated. There was another friend of mine there who is still single and we spent a good 15 minutes bitching about the smug and happy couples surrounding us. About how happy they are, how loving they are, how they automatically act a little superior and mature simply because they're married and we're single. We both decided that we also want to be part of that smug and superior lifestyle and we both took an oath to celebrate the next new year with our spouses.

As is usually the case, this new year is already looking very challenging, both on the professional front and the personal life front. Professionaly, i have to work harder to establish myself and my agency as a creative spearhead in Bangladesh, and personally i have to find a life partner. There is also the little matter o my band. My guitarist Farhan is probably leaving for UK sometime late this year and i want to get another album out before he leaves. I hope i accomplish all the things i want to accomplish this year and i also wish you, whoever is reading this blog, the same.

Happy new year!

the hypocrisy oath

2007-12-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Bangladesh, a country of hypocrites. Sometimes i wonder why the hell we were paired with the pakis when the Brits decided to carve up the Indian empire. Ostensibly it was because we were both majority muslim nations. But that really wasn't the reason. Its the deep hypocritical bond we share with our muslim "brothers" that the brits in their cunning wisdom understood. And so India was spared the ridiculous hypocrisy of my dear motherland.

We are a muslim nation and we don't drink. Oh no, wait. Its not that we don't drink, we're not allowed to drink. By law. Forget the fact that this is a democratic nation and you technically become an adult once you're 18. Apparently that just means you can pay your own taxes and that you can get married. It does not mean you can drink when you want to. Because its forbidden in our religion.

First of all i have a problem with a state of religion. My identity is not defined by my religion. I have no problems with people who do identify themselves by their faith, but i don't. And i should have the right not to. But somehow the powers that be have decided they can decide on my behalf and now i am forced to have my religion as my identity. And this is extremely maddening because first of all i hate other people assuming they can choose on my behalf on matters which do not concern them. And secondly the powers that be, the powerful politicians, the rich businessmen, the industrialists, the army people, the police, the policy makers ALL DRINK!!!

Yes i am generalizing and yes there are a lot of people who don't, but i believe the number of people in the categories i have just mentioned who drink far outweigh the number of people who don't drink. I have been privileged to grow up with people whose parents, uncles etc are people of power and i KNOW they drink. And yet these same people blindly bind the country and the normal people to outmoded religious dictum like drinking is a sin in God's eyes.

I have also been privileged to come in contact with people from lower stratas of life, the poor, the middle class, the mofoshshol, the artist, the doctor, the engineer, the rickshaw puller, the bus driver and you know what? THEY ALL DRINK AS WELL. I have a feeling that if we do a survey, it will be found that fully 70% of the adult population of our glorious nation are fond of a drink or two. So come on...why the hell is drinking illegal in this country? Everyone's doing it anyways! its not like crime and indecency will increase once drinking is made legal. The social degradation occurring is as bad as it gets and will not be rejuvenated because people are now drinking openly. And i actually believe that if we do legalize alcohol, people will find an escape from the frustrating life that most of us live.

But the thing that bugs me most is that the people who run the economy, the country are all alcohol connoisseurs. So what gives them the right to drink when they want to and at the same time make it illegal for us to drink when we want to?

Who do you think you are, you social elite double standard people?

I've just returned from my trip to cox's bazaar. It is one of the most beautiful beaches i have been to. I go every year and i love it. And yet tourists from all over the world are not flocking there. Why? Because tourists won't come if they can't drink. We are literally losing out on millions of tourist income simply because we think its bad form to drink because Islam forbids it.

Well, i believe religion is a personal thing and it should be MY choice whether i want to drink or not, not some bloody mullah's.

Once again the new year has come around and everyone is frantically running after getting alcohol and the police are planning on raiding parties etc. What fun. we live in the dark fucking ages. where we do as they say and not as they do. Where hypocrisy is a way of life.

highway to hell

2007-12-19T01:19:00.000-08:00

I bought a new car a few days back. i think i mentioned it in an earlier blog. The whole purpose of the new car was so that i can drive at even more speed when i am traveling through the inter-district highways. And the highways are calling me!! More specifically, the dhaka-cox's bazaar highway. Cox's Bazaar is the only place you can go and have a good time in Bangladesh. Because there's the sea, the beach and there's a restaurant called Jhaubon. Just the restaurant is good enough reason to travel in excess of 400 kilometres (how metric of me!). They serve local dishes such as jhuri shutki, rupchanda maach, loitta maach etc. Plus they have amazing manners. They actually remember your face, and they will keep the special dishes for you long after the formal eating time is over. Earlier on i used to go to different places to eat but now i have decided to focus all my culinary appreciation expertise on the delights of jhaubon. For those of you planning on going anytime in the next 50 years, make sure you pay a visit to jhaubon which is located right beside hotel Sayeman and everybody knows both these institutions.

But let me get back to my first love, which is driving at mad speeds through interstate highways. Generally i love driving at night because a) there is little or no traffic and b) i love the night. I generally go to sleep very late and love staying awake past everyone's bedtime because i feel like the night belongs to me, because i'm one of the few awake to appreciate the beauty of the dark. And on the highway, its a whole different feel. Not only does the special feeling remain, you also feel like you're the only person in the world and you're carrying your own little civilization in the form and environment of your car. You're an island of light in a sea of darkness. And the little stops at night in random t-shops, or those all nighter restaurants where you pop in for a bit of ruti and goru bhuna and end up having a full meal. Its simply amazing really!

This time however we're not traveling at night. Its winter and night equals fog and you really don't want to get stuck in a fog bank where you can't even see one feet in front of you. It happened to me back in January 2006 and although it was very thrilling its a thrill i can do without. For the first time i will be driving to cox's bazaar in day time and day time means you get to see more of the country and i just can't wait for that!!

I do

2007-12-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Winter is finally here and its the season to be married!! Just like all other Bangalis, i have millions of weddings to go to this season and unlike all the other bangalis i'm not going to most of them. I am viciously unsocial and see no benefit in meeting new people, which totally defeats the purpose of going to weddings. For unlike the West, or even advanced cultures like India, we do not have bars or pubs or happening places where young people can go to meet other young people of the opposite sex. So if you're in university, you better hope you find a girl there. If you're working, you better hope to have some cute colleagues. Otherwise, the breeding ground of meeting new people is weddings!

This is where all the guys try to look cool and the girls try to be dazzling. Love and sex is in the air and everyone checks out everyone else. And more often then not, two people see each other, a smile is exchanged, a cousin or friend is dragged into making an introduction and the rest is history.

I was never into these things, partly because i never considered myself particularly eye catching and partly because the thought of meeting new girls in weddings never interested me. i was always the sort who waits for the girl to drop into his lap. But i've been to a friend's wedding recently and i have to say i was much pleasured by the scenery. So many young girls and all of them pretty!! made for a highly enjoyable viewing experience. Unfortunately most girls were half my age so i was restricted to viewing only. I didn't mind though. I had good company.

I was actually dreading this wedding season. I wasn't really in a happy state of mind, and i didn't want to go to all these weddings and pretend to be jolly and sociable. But thats the beauty of having goods friends. pretty soon i forgot i was pretending to have a good time and started actually having one. I do believe i will have a great winter!

I do.

e-motion

2007-12-10T03:41:00.000-08:00

i am in love. with music, with cricket, with books, with star trek, with friends. Oh wait, thats a no no. one shouldn't fall in love with one's friends. thats considered bad form, or thats what other guys tell you while they're busy making a move on your hot young female friend. It goes to the stage where you two love hanging out, know each other best, but there's nothing romantic at all in what you two do together. and more often than not the guy starts feeling a little more then brotherly towards the girl but then pushes it to the back of his mind because its not proper. and the girl never sees the guy in that light because the moon never shines when the sun is out.

Out. we do so many things out of out. out of hate. Out of fear. Out of greed. Out of love. Everyone who's been in love has also been out of love. As in there is no more love to give, you just want to be left alone to ponder the mysteries of the universe. It's a vacation of sorts, this pondering of universal mysteries. I immerse myself in science fiction, in fantasy, in horror i watch the sadness bleed out. And out it goes, to embed itself in the all nothingness of negativity that comprise the anti-matter universe. And once this purging is done, its a brand new day baby. You get the sting back. You're out on the hunt. The familiar places, the familiar faces become interesting again. Society exists once more. You suddenly have time. Time to get in motion.

Picture that.

the first

2007-12-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

everyone and their dogs have a blog now. so according to my "style follower" nature i have decided to jump on the band wagon. although i have had a band for a long time, and now i own a station wagon. Why would a hot blooded metal head and creative person like me buy a station wagon? economics. Toyota = re-sale value. The cheapest toyota i could find was the distinctly ugly probox. so i bought it. No, not with my hard earned cash that i have plundered from the agency over the years, but by taking a loan from a bank. As opposed to taking a loan from parents, which i never really pay back, you know? And speaking of pay back, what have YOU done for the cyclone victims recently? *I* have donated money. And i feel damned good about it. But i have a friend, Zaid Islam, who's a) collecting relief materials and b) going to the devastated areas and physically helping them out. I mean thats all great and everything, but somehow it diminishes the feel-good factor i had from donating some money. So i think i'll tell him to stop going there physically and making me look bad. and feel bad.

i wish i was a born business man