And the arguments rage on. Are we born evil? Or do we become evil? Is whoever i am supposed to be when i grow up written in my genes? Or is it something i learn from my parents and my school and the place i grow up in? I don't know. I do believe in leaders being born and not made though. That tendency to assume control, to make others feel safe in the knowledge that you will take care of everything, that you know whats best -- i think this is something you're born with.
I have had a great childhood and my parents are the best parents in the world. They never forced me to learn anything but rather encouraged me to be a certain way and follow certain pursuits. But i only followed those pursuits that caught my fancy. As a result i never enrolled in music school, i never did serious sports, and i was never good at my studies. I did however enjoy computer games, books and comics, movies and acting. And these pursuits i followed. I also enjoyed free-style singing (much to the anguish of those near me) and as a result i have my own band. And from a very early age, i was never the leader type. I was content to let other people lead and the most i would do is give advice when necessary. And it worked out pretty great. Because i disliked the extra pressure and attention that inevitably comes with assuming leadership in any endeavor.
But i always had strong opinions, and always liked to go deep into whatever i was supposed to be doing. i never liked just leaving it to someone to do something. And that happened because i felt that i knew better, or that i knew at least as much the other person. Or maybe i had better judgement ability. Ego? Surely. Warranted? Maybe. So as the years went by i went on to become a creative director, essentially in charge of leading a team of creative people to formulate communication materials for our clients (in other words, ad campaigns). And i also slowly became the leader of the band. This is not a discourse about my achievements however. My point is that as a child and in school, i exhibited no leadership qualities whatsoever. But when i grew up and life was thrust upon me, i became a leader. Not a very good one, but a leader none the less. So i continue to believe that leaders are born. Not made.
So what about good? Are we born with goodness? And then become evil? Or are we born either good or evil and then live our lives accordingly? I have been blessed in life by having a wonderful family, being in a wonderful school and making wonderful friends. From a very early age i was aware my father was a freedom fighter and i knew fighting for freedom was right and good, andthat's something that always inspired me. Plus i grew up in an environment of love both at home and in school so that must have affected my growing up. And for whatever reason from a very early age, i became a fan of heroes. From comics to books, i devoured all the heroic stories out there. From Superman to Tarzan to Sherlock Holmes to Lord of the Rings to Prophet Mohammad, i couldn't get enough of heroic fables. And it left a deep imprint. Plus i had a my father who has great ethical and moral fortitude. He never preached to me but just being around him and seeing him lead his life ingrained in me those values of right and wrong that are so important in life.
In the last 10 years or so, i have experienced a lot of things and have met a lot of people. And most of them are good people. I think i automatically gravitate towards people who are essentially good at heart, people you can depend on, people who will be there for you. And i have also met people who are not really very close friends of mine, but who have repeatedly gone out of their way to be helpful. And on those occasions i have often wondered, why is this person doing this? Why is he wasting his time at this unearthly hour to help me? What's in it for him? Or her for that matter. And one time i asked a friend of mine this particular question. This friend i am talking about is not a close friend. He's one of my "friend in need" as in i get in touch when i need him. And he always helps out. So one day when he was helping me out i asked him, "why do you do this?" and at first he didn't understand the question. So i explained to him, "why do you help people so much? whats in it for you?" And he still didn't understand the question. When i finally managed to clear up what i wanted to know, he smiled and said, "i like making people happy. I love the look on their faces when i can fix something for them". And i still persisted. i said that cannot be the only reason. After a lot of badgering he finally replied that when he was younger he needed help from someone and that someone let him down. And he was so upset at being let down that he decided that he would never make someone else feel this upset. Not if he could help it.
I laughed at hearing this. In his time of need someone let him down, and that provoked a resolve that he would never let someone down! Its like a bloody comic book origin of a superhero! I mean, the normal response at an event like this would be bitterness and an attitude of indifference at helping others. But no, in my friend's case, it was the opposite. And that's when i understood. Or maybe that's when i caught a glimmer of the beginning of understanding why good people do good deeds. Its because they don't know any better.
Being good is like being in love. You see a nice girl and you are attracted and then you you fall in love. Perfectly straightforward. And then when someone asks you why or how you fell in love you say 50 things like, oh she's so beautiful, she's so funny and warm, she gets along so well with my friends, she lets me be myself etc etc etc. But really, think about it. Its all rationalization after the fact. You fall in love first, and then you invent all these reasons to make your falling in lovewith that person sound all logical and reasonable. I mean, you can't think i just fell in love for no reason, did you? No! I am an intelligent and reasonable person and these are the reasons why i love this girl. Hah! Right. That sounds as perfectly logical as the explanation my good friend offered about him being let down when he needed help and then deciding that he would never let anyone else down. I don't believe my friend would have been a different person even if that other person didn't let him down. I think then the story would have been, "i needed help and this friend of mine helped me out and thus i decided that i would help other people from this day henceforth". Its rationalization after the fact.
So yeah, at this moment in time, i believe good people are born and not made. Somewhere down the line, life happens and a lot of extraneous things get attached to the good personality that a good person is born with. He may enter government service and take bribes. He may cheat in his school exams. He may have a sharp tongue and be insensitive. But i believe that all these things can't hide the core goodness that a good person possesses. In times of need, that core shines out like a beacon. He sacrifices his own time, happiness, and peace of mind to help. And these people are out there. In droves. I know because i have met them. People busy running the rat race and people you would never think would help you at their own expense. But they do. And when they do, they do it simply because that's who they are. They don't calculate the odds. They don't think how its beneficial to them in the long run. They just help because they can't think otherwise. Its like you have to drink water when you're thirsty. So do good people have to help when someone asks them to.
So this one is for all the people out there who have ever helped out a friend or a stranger. You are the best of us. And to the rest of us, may we also have the strength of character to say "yes,I'll help" when the time comes.
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